I've Been a Therapist for 30 Years: 6 Mistakes the Happiest Couples Avoid Early On

As a therapist with nearly three decades of experience, I've seen countless couples navigate the complexities of relationships. Over time, I've identified six common mistakes that happy couples tend to avoid early on. By being aware of these pitfalls and taking proactive steps to address them, couples can build stronger, more resilient relationships.

1. Winging it: Many couples approach their relationships without a solid foundation of knowledge about what makes a healthy partnership. They rely on instincts or past experiences rather than educating themselves about the dynamics of relationships. To avoid this, couples should proactively learn about communication, conflict resolution, and the stages of relationship development. This can be done through books, workshops, or even couples therapy.
2. Holding your partner responsible for your happiness and well-being: It's essential to understand that your partner cannot be responsible for your happiness and well-being. While they can contribute to your overall well-being, it's crucial to cultivate personal happiness and take responsibility for your own emotional state. This means focusing on your own growth and self-care, rather than relying solely on your partner for fulfillment.
3. Viewing conflict as a bad sign: Conflict is a normal and inevitable part of any relationship. Rather than viewing it as a sign of failure, happy couples see conflict as an opportunity for growth and learning. They approach conflicts with curiosity and a willingness to listen and understand their partner's perspective. By doing so, they can deepen their connection and strengthen their relationship.
4. Trying to change your partner: It's important to remember that you cannot change your partner; you can only change yourself. Instead of trying to control or change your partner, focus on your own personal growth and self-awareness. By working on your own issues and communicating your needs and boundaries, you can foster a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship.
5. Losing the priority: In the early stages of a relationship, it's easy to prioritize your partner above all else. However, as life gets busier and other responsibilities arise, it's essential to continue making your partner a priority. This can be achieved through regular date nights, open communication, and actively seeking to understand and support your partner's needs and goals.
6. Thinking small: Happy couples think big when it comes to their relationship. They look for ways to make a positive impact on the world together, whether through volunteering, supporting causes they believe in, or simply being kind to others. By focusing on something bigger than themselves, couples can cultivate a sense of purpose and connection that strengthens their bond.



By being mindful of these six mistakes and taking proactive steps to address them, couples can build stronger, more resilient relationships that stand the test of time. As a therapist, I've seen firsthand the power of education, communication, and personal growth in transforming relationships. By investing in these areas, couples can create a foundation for lasting love and happiness.