4 Phrases for Successful Relationships: Clear, Respectful Communication

Maintaining a healthy and successful relationship requires effective communication, and four phrases can significantly enhance the quality of communication between couples. According to Lisa Marie Bobby, a psychologist and founder of Growing Self Counseling & Coaching in Denver, clear, respectful communication feels good for everyone. By incorporating these phrases into daily interactions, couples can foster stronger bonds, navigate conflicts more effectively, and create a positive, supportive environment for their relationship to flourish.

1. "I have a request"

The phrase "I have a request" fosters clear and respectful communication by setting a positive tone and signaling the importance of the upcoming conversation. It encourages the listener to be more receptive and attentive, as they understand that a specific, actionable request is about to be made. This phrase also allows the speaker to express their needs or desires in a non-confrontational manner, promoting a collaborative atmosphere. By using "I have a request," couples can avoid sounding accusatory or demanding, which can help prevent defensiveness and maintain a respectful dialogue.

Example: "I have a request. Could you please help me with the dishes after dinner tonight? I've had a long day, and I would really appreciate your help."

2. "The story I'm telling myself"

Using "The story I'm telling myself" can help couples navigate conflicts and misunderstandings by encouraging self-reflection and empathy. By prefacing a conversation with this phrase, partners can take ownership of their thoughts and feelings, allowing the other person to better understand their perspective without feeling attacked. This approach fosters a more productive dialogue, enabling couples to address issues more effectively and strengthen their relationship.



Example: "The story I'm telling myself is that you don't appreciate the effort I put into our relationship. I feel hurt and undervalued. Can we talk about this?"

3. "Will you tell me more about what that brought up for you?"

The phrase "Will you tell me more about what that brought up for you?" plays a pivotal role in fostering empathy and emotional connection in relationships. By asking this question, partners demonstrate genuine interest in understanding each other's feelings and perspectives, which is a key component of emotional intimacy (Johnson, 2008). This question encourages the speaker to elaborate on their emotions, allowing the listener to gain a deeper understanding of their partner's experiences and thought processes. As a result, both parties can develop a more profound sense of connection and mutual understanding, leading to stronger, more resilient relationships.

Example: "When you raised your voice earlier, it reminded me of a time when my parents argued. Will you tell me more about what that brought up for you?"

4. "Let's do a year in review"

Conducting a "year in review" encourages reflection on shared experiences, accomplishments, and challenges. This phrase fosters a sense of partnership and growth, reinforcing the couple's bond. By incorporating this phrase into their communication, couples can cultivate open, honest, and respectful dialogue, contributing to the success and longevity of their relationship.



Example: "Let's do a year in review. What are some moments this year that you're glad we survived or overcame? How did I help you bloom or grow this year?"

In conclusion, incorporating these four phrases into daily communication can significantly enhance the quality of relationships. By fostering clear, respectful communication, couples can navigate conflicts more effectively, build emotional intimacy, and create a positive, supportive environment for their relationship to flourish. As Lisa Marie Bobby emphasizes, clear, respectful communication feels good for everyone, and these phrases are essential tools for achieving that goal.